If you have read part 1 of I Was Lucky That Time, you'll know that I fell into a state of depression and intended to commit suicide. The day that I was going to commit suicide, I was taken into custody by the police because I was a danger to myself. A couple of hours after being taken in for observation I started to have pains in my right ankle. I was given magnesium which didn't do anything. Almost 16 hours later, I had a CT scan done. After having the CT scan done, I was told that I had a clogged artery that was interfering with the blood flow in the leg. I was then told that because of how long It had been since the symptom first started, my leg was going to have to be amputated before it got any worse.
At that moment I was overcome by a rush of emotions. I couldn't believe what was happening. In less than 24 hours after being taken in for a psychological evaluation, I'm having my leg amputated instead. When I came back to my senses I told the doctor to just take it off at the knee and be done with it. When I woke up from surgery I found that they had taken a major portion of my lower leg. That was when reality set in for me.
You never really know how you will respond to a situation until you're confronted with the circumstances. When I saw my leg, I became overwhelmed and I just broke down. I had lost a part of me that helped me through life in so many ways. It was a part of me that allowed me to support myself as a ride-share driver. I was no longer able to walk on my own. I would be dependent upon some device to help get from one spot to another. Though I had my health, all I could see was everything that I lost. Thankfully I had people there to help me through this. I proceeded to get the help mentally, and physically to get better. During the 2 months after my surgery, I would spend a total of 3 weeks in mental rehabilitation just to keep myself together. While going through my physical therapy just after surgery, I had to have crisis intervention simply because I had just reached a point again of not caring and just wanting to give up.
After my last visit for mental rehab, things felt different in my mind. I can honestly say that things felt normal. I wasn't having homicide or suicidal thoughts anymore. Things felt like they did 6 months before. Though I have come to accept the situation for what it is, there still seems to be a part of my brain that hasn't. Sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and see the wheelchair and a thought of "This is reality" comes across my mind. I spoke with my psychologist and she said it could be a matter where the brain still doesn't realize that part of my leg is no longer there. Though I have accepted it, a part of my brain still acts and thinks that my leg is still fully functional.
Through all of this, I can honestly say that I am grateful to still be here today. If it wasn't for one of my friends making a call to the Phoenix police department, I wouldn't be. I am also very grateful for all the support that I have received throughout the whole recovery process. It's been a ride that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It's a ride that I hope none of you ever take.
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